A Screaming Afternoon
by Recovering4life
Summary: Claire and Aaron Hotchner find that sometimes it's hard to have a quiet afternoon with four children. Raising teenagers isn't an easy job especially when the eldest has a girlfriend, but they have a laugh...piece from MAKE A MEMORY-Hotch/OC.


**Hey Guys! I promised a little story about Claire and Hotch at the end of Make A Memory so here it is! If you've never read Make A Memory this might not make sense too much but enjoy!**

**All errors are my own:( Sorry!**

**Mxoxo**

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><p>Aaron and Claire Hotchner sat on the couch enjoying a late afternoon movie on TV and enjoying adult time as their five year daughter had dubbed it. Hotch's arm was wrapped around Claire's shoulder as his fingertips traced random patterns on her upper arm. A popcorn bowl was balanced between them as the warm spring air blew through the open window of the family room.<p>

Pressing a kiss to Claire's head, Hotch chuckled.

"What's so funny? I didn't think that the princess jumping out the window into Andre the Giant's arms was that funny." Claire said looking up at him with a raised eyebrow.

"I was just thinking how quiet the house was right now." Hotch whispered.

"It is very qui-"

A scream from upstairs had both Claire and Aaron flying off the couch and up the stairs to investigate the cause.

"I spoke too soon."Hotch mumbled to Claire as they spotted Madison leaping out of Jack's room like she'd been burnt smacking right into Danny who'd come to investigate what the screaming was about also.

"Oh my God Jack!" she screeched again, "Put it away! And tell Megan to put some clothes on too. Gross! I don't ever want to see your thingy like that-"

"Megan?" Claire said confused, "What's she's doing-"

"Oh, shit." Madison said looking at her parents.

"Maddy please don't tell-" Jack said hopping out of his room trying to zip up his jeans and put on a shirt. He bumped into Madison who screamed at having him touch her which causing him to lose his balance, zip his junk in his zipper, fall to the ground and smack his head on the wooden floor at Claire's feet.

She looked down at Jack's head that rested near her left foot. He blinked up at her and groaned, "How much of that did you see and hear mom?"

Claire smiled, "Enough to know that you're going to need ice, a razor, Megan needs to come out of your room dressed and everyone needs to report to the living room for a family meeting now."

"Ew! Mommy why is Jack on the floor and what's in his pants?" Sofia asked running down the hallway looking at Jack. Hotch scooped Sofia up and tried to look serious as Jack turned beet red realizing everyone could see his zipper issue.

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><p>Aaron Hotchner sat on a dining room table in front of the fire place in the living room. Danny and Madison sat in two cream chairs by the window while an uncomfortable looking Megan and Jack sat on the couch fully dressed.<p>

Jack held an ice pack to his crotch area as Claire sat on the love seat opposite Madison and Danny.

"Anyone wanna tell me how Megan ended up in Jack's room?" Hotch asked using his 'Agent Hotchner' voice as Claire called it, "Because I know for a fact your mother and I have a rule about girlfriends and boyfriends not being allowed in bedrooms for a specific reason." Megan shifted uncomfortable as he talked and looked like she was going to cry.

No one spoke up and Claire rolled her eyes at him, "We just want to know how a girl scaled the side of the house and got to the third floor. Personally I'm interested because your father had ten years taken off his life when Madison screamed and I've never seen him fly up those stairs quicker. So who's going to satisfy their mother's curiosity."

Sofia came skipping into the room from where she'd been eavesdropping and walked up to Hotch and gently tapped his forearm.

"Yes Miss Hotchner?" Hotch asked trying to keep a straight face as his children all shifted uncomfortably again.

"I'll tell you." Sofia whispered, "But it has to be in your ear."

Hotch leaned over so the tiny five year old could tell him.

"Jack got her at lunch when he said that he was taking me to the park. He gave me twenty dollars if I lied and said we went swing instead of picking up Megan." She whispered.

"Really?" Hotch said loud making sure the kids all squirmed again, "So they tried to pull a fast one on your mother and me. Interesting."

Sofia nodded and handed him the money, "Can you make sure this is authentic? I'm not sure that it's American money."

Hotch looked at Claire who raised an eyebrow.

"Sofia, sweetie go sit with your mother." Hotch said pocketing the American twenty. He stared at the kids and felt disappointed.

"So Jack picked Megan up at lunch and used Sofia as a cover. So, who made it possible for Jack to sneak Megan in the house?" Hotch asked actually mildly enjoying questioning and torturing the kids.

Danny slowly raised his hand, "That would be me, Dad. I asked for parallel parking help on purpose. I knew that Sofia and Mom would be cleaning up from lunch and texted Jack the plan."

Hotch nodded and looked at Danny, "Well as co-conspirator in the plot you have one week of grounding and nothing electronic for that week. That includes no phone, ipod, TV, computer, anything in that area. You go to school, eat and sleep. You're dismissed, go get all your tech stuff and lay it out on the counter then return here."

Danny left the room and Hotch turned to Madison.

"I assume that you didn't know anything about this based on your genuinely shocked scream and look at the time this as happened is that correct?"

Madison nodded and looked at Hotch.

"In that case, you are dismissed on the condition that you learn to knock on door in the future so we can avoid you taking ten years off my life again as your mother so nicely phrased it. Send me any therapy bills you have in the future from this accident and I'll settle them with Jack. You can leave now and take Sofia with you. Jack, Megan and I have a chit chat that she doesn't need to be present for."

Madison scurried out of the room with Sofia leaving the four remaining people staring at each other.

Hotch stared at Jack who shifted under his father powerful gaze.

"What's my punishment?" he asked nervously.

Hotch didn't reply right away but stared at the both of them.

"I'm sure your mother will agree with me that we are both highly disappointed in the both of you." Hotch began, "You openly disrespected her rules in this house and not only used your siblings to your own advantage but didn't come forward to tell the truth when I asked for it. I think for starters you owe your mother an apology later for disrespecting her and lying. Second you'll have the same conditions of punishment that Danny had only it will be two weeks." Hotch said to Jack as both he and Megan moved to stand.

"Plop it." Claire said with authority and both of them sat instantly, "I get that you both have raging hormones and it's like every time you see each other you wanna tear off the other's clothes but we need to definitely lay down some ground work here because your father and I can both agree that we are way too young to be grandparents just yet."

Claire stood up and took a handful of condom wrappers out of her pocket and tossed them over to Jack one at a time, "I care that you're choosing to be sexually active Jack and Megan so I want to take a refreshers course real quick in Sex 101. Sex is a wonderful thing filled with lots of fun positions and kinky things to do. At the same time a lot happens in the body, your body secretes fluids, BP climbs up, core body temperature rises, you get all hypersensitive in places that normally aren't used. Sexual organs become hard in some cases and extremely sensitive. Heart rate increases and you feel wonderful and the body has orgasms and sometimes your mind has continued fantasies about what you also want to do but you need to be careful in having sex because STD can be transmitted as well as other infections such as the Flu, head colds, viruses, you name it. Not to mention that you risk procreating with your partner and sometimes getting a little piece of joy that you don't exactly want right that second."

Hotch was trying desperately not to laugh as Jack's face turned redder and Megan refused to make eye contact with anyone in the room. This was fun watching these two kids get the talk from his wife.

"I won't lie and sex isn't fun guys. Let's be honest here in this room. It really is enjoyable and needed to lead a good healthy life," Claire continued, "The world has lots or pornography sites, books about sex, toys, anything you name can be related back to sex but all I'm asking is first you do it safely and second that you keep it above the shoulders in my house and that clothing stays on. Plus the bedroom policy still applies so basically you're only allowed to kiss. Making outs fine on the couch here but no more nudity or bedroom activities in my house. We clear?"

Danny walked back in the room obviously having heard the speech trying not to laugh.

"I will say that I am proud of you Jack for at least wear a condom today despite the fact that it got stuck in your zipper and we had to cut it off you." Claire added as Jack turned redder if possible and Danny's shoulders shook from suppressed laughter.

"Mom nothing happened today and nothing will were playing around. I'm still a virgin," Jack mumbled.

"Say that again." Claire asked.

"He said he's a virgin and that nothing happened. We were having…issues with junior," Megan supplied, "We both are still virgins."

Danny lost it laughing and Hotch was on the verge of laughing too. He knew that Jack being a virgin shouldn't be funny but the way that Megan said it was just too funny.

"Ah!" Claire said nodding, "I'm sorry to hear that Jack was having…difficulties."

Jack sank back into the couch more looking like a strawberry.

"Okay, here's what's going to happen."Hotch said barely holding it together and deciding to take mercy on Jack for a while, "Jack's going to take Megan home and explain to her parents what happened and why there's love bites on her neck. Jack, your mother will call over there this evening and we'll talk to Megan's parents and about what happened here today. You can go, I expect Jack to be home in half an hour. Danny will tag along to make sure that we have no more…misadventures today." Hotch said as Jack bolted from the room looking more relieved than anyone he'd ever seen before. Danny left laughing also following Megan looked mildly relieved also.

Two minutes later the starting of a car engine alerted them to the fact that Jack, Megan and Danny were leaving. Moving to sit next to Claire, Hotch chuckled.

"What's so funny?"

"How long do you think neither one of them will make eye contact with us?"

Claire laughed, "Not for a while."

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><p><strong>Leave a review! Thanks to my big brother for inspiration...some stories just live on and on and on...<strong>

**Until next time, Mxoxo**


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